Friday, January 25, 2013

Fear and the Creative Process...

This blog has been a bit dead of late. 

I've been struggling to figure out the purpose of this blog.  What areas do I want this blog to cover?  How personal am I willing to be?  And so forth.  Though I haven't reached any conclusions, I've decided that the best way to figure this out is through the process of writing itself.  Because, personally, I find insight into problems by writing it out in words.  

It might be the decade-plus of therapy, but I'm a big fan of journaling.  It's more than just emotional and situational venting.  I find that through writing out the words to describe my "current" situation, I will begin to recognize my problems from more of a distance.  And with that emotional distance, I'm able to approach everything a bit more rationally.  

And as I started to write this post, I realized that I was having the same emotional block in writing for this blog as I was having in my creative writing.  


This seems to be the feeling I get before starting any writing project.  While I was in graduate school, writing my thesis, I had to play mind games with myself to just start writing.  Once I had started writing, I would generally continue.  But fear held me back from starting.  Fear of failure.  Fear of not meeting expectations--mine or my advisors.  Fears that would multiply, like a snowball rolling down a hill, preventing me from starting my thesis. 

And now I recognize this same feeling, this same fear, holding me back when I start my creative writing.  

I finished my thesis.  I received my MA.  I worked past the fear that held me back in graduate school by slowly, but surely, sitting down and writing.  Inch by inch, moving forward.  

Hopefully the fear that holds me back in my writing now will work itself out the same way.